Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. Philippians 4:2 NLT
ANYTHING OR ANYONE DIFFERENT CAN BE DIFFICULT
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18 ESV
THREE HINDRANCES OF CONFLICT
- HINDERS MY CONNECTION WITH GOD
…Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:7-8 NLT
- HINDERS MY PRAYERS
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together… Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NLT
- HINDERS MY HAPPINESS
So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6 NLT
HOW DO WE HAVE HEALTHY CONFRONTATION?
1. WE MUST VALUE THE PERSON
I love you and long to see you, dear friends, for you are my joy and the crown I receive for my work. Philippians 4:1 NLT
The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
SEEING VALUE IN PEOPLE IS NOT ABOUT THEIR VALUE TO YOU, BUT THEIR VALUE TO GOD.
YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR THEM NOT AGAINST THEM!
If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. Matthew 10:14
2. YOU CAN’T SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG
Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. Philippians 4:2-3 NLT
- DON’T ADDRESS IN AN EMOTIONAL STATE
Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 2 Timothy 2:23-24 NLT
GIVE ENOUGH TIME FOR EMOTIONS TO SUBSIDE, BUT NOT ENOUGH FOR ANIMOSITIES TO BUILD
- DON’T ADDRESS IN PUBLIC
- DON’T TALK ABOUT THE PERSON. TALK TO THE PERSON.
If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. James 1:26 NLT
A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers. Proverbs 20:19 NLT
A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends. Proverbs 16:28 NLT
A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Proverbs 11:13 NLT
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 NLT
3. LISTEN FOR THE HURT
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.
THE SOLUTION ALWAYS BEGINS WITH UNDERSTANDING
For we must bear the “burden” of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others… Romans 15:2 TLB
“You cannot effectively move toward conflict resolution until each participate experiences for themselves to be fully heard with regard to their perspective-what they want and why” –Jim Melamed
Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Philippians 2:4-5
WHEN YOU ACTIVELY LISTEN EMOTIONS DROP AND THE TRUTH COMES OUT.
4. ADMIT YOUR PART OF THE CONFLICT
DON’T TRADE AWAY YOUR INTEGRITY FOR JUSTIFICATION
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:3;5
5. WE MUST FORGIVE PEOPLE
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” -Anne Lamont
Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:15
UNFORGIVENESS WILL HARBOR RESENTMENT AND THAT WILL TURN INTO BITTERNESS
UNFORGIVENESS, BITTERNESS, RESENTMENT HAS NO AUTHORITY IN MY LIFE AND THE ANTIDOTE IS FORGIVENESS….
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34
Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Matthew 18:32-35 NLT