My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. Proverbs 2:1-5 NLT
ANYTHING OR ANYONE DIFFERENT CAN BE DIFFICULT
Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 2 Timothy 2:23-24 NLT
D. I. R. T.
DON’T IGNORE RELATIONAL TENSION
GUARD RAILS OF COMMUNICATION
1. REMAIN CALM AND GENTLE
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1 NLT
People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. Proverbs 14:29 NLT
Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back. Proverbs 29:11 NLT
Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool. Ecclesiastes 7:9 NLT
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32 NLT
2. COMMUNICATE THE INFORMATION TRUTHFULLY AND ACCURATELY
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness. Proverbs 15:2 NLT
The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth. Proverbs 12:22 NLT
Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Psalms 34:13 NLT
Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed. Proverbs 12:19 NLT
Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Colossians 3:9 NLT
Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. Ephesians 4:15,25 NLT
3. REMEMBER GOD IS THE ULTIMATE JUDGE
The Lord is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good. Proverbs 15:3 NLT
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 NIV
SOMEONE ELSE’S SIN IS NEVER A JUSTIFICATION FOR YOU TO SIN.
Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval. So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall. So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. Romans 14:4,10,12-13,19 NLT
4. ATTACK THE PROBLEM NOT THE PERSON
The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4 NIV
BLAMING PREVENTS PROGRESS
But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other… Colossians 3:8-9 NLT
5. STAY TEACHABLE
Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline; whoever learns from correction is wise. Proverbs 15:5 NLT
To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction. Proverbs 12:1 NLT
DON’T TRADE AWAY YOUR INTEGRITY FOR JUSTIFICATION
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:3;5 NLT
S.T.A.T.E YOUR FEELINGS
1. Share your facts (without interpretation)
2. Tell your story (explain your conclusions)
3. Ask questions instead of starting with accusations
4. Talk tentatively (remember you are sharing perspective)
5. Encourage testing (invite opposing views)
FOCUS ON RESTORATION NOT PERFECTION
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Matthew 5:9 NIV
IT IS ALWAYS MORE REWARDING TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT THAN TO DISSOLVE THE RELATIONSHIP.